Comedic Prose

Where Comedy and Content Get It On

Too Early to apologize to Justin Masterson?

Posted on | May 20, 2013 | No Comments

Famously, or rather infamously or maybe unfamously – I don’t know what you call it when no one reads the article you wrote – I wrote an article in which I proposed the idea of putting Justin Masterson on a pontoon boat, and having it  lost at sea. He was the center of the Cleveland indians’ horrible pitching staff, and I wanted him gone.

So far this year he has been pitching great. So it’s only right that I asked the question, “Is it too early for me to apologize about  the whole having him lost at sea thing?” My first thought is,  ”Hell yeah it is too soon! This is Justin Masterson were talking about. He has this weird Rick James kind of quality about him. As soon as you think everything is okay, he’ll  come in your house and rub his dirty shoes into your couch.

At the same time this is 2013 Justin Masterson.… Read More

Time to question Derrick Rose’s mental toughness

Posted on | May 6, 2013 | 3 Comments

At the risk of being struck down I’m going to question the mental toughness of Chicago Bulls’ star Derrick Rose.
There are unwritten rules in sports: You don’t talk about a perfect while one is being pitched, you don’t hit a man below the belt without apologizing vehemently, never bet on a team from the Northwest in a big game, and don’t question a player that says they are injured. The last rule has been the crutch Derrick Rose has leaned on throughout this season. However when he was cleared to return to action that crutch was removed. So it’s only right that we question why the hell he’s not playing.
Since Derrick Rose has been cleared to play, many people have been making excuses for why he hasn’t returned to game action. The main excuse is that mentaly he’s not ready. Which is a valid excuse, especially when you consider Rose’s game.… Read More

The fix! How Mike Brown got back to the Cleveland Cavaliers*

Posted on | April 26, 2013 | 1 Comment

Mike Brown is back in the NBA as the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers! How wonderful is that? I get to see Mike Brown on the sideline again.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing Mike Brown pacing the sideline, with that confused, yet puzzled-happy look on his face. It’s the exact same look you have when you’re not sure if you left your lights on in the car, but you’re reassured knowing that you have jumper cables in the trunk. I don’t know how often we will get that confused, yet puzzled-happy look with LeBron is no longer in town. At the same time, the Cavaliers no longer have Eric Snow, Larry Hughes, and Sasha Pavlović. So there’s still plenty of reason to look happy. The question is, what has Mike Brown gotten himself into.

The Cleveland Cavaliers may seem like a bad job from the outside. They’re one of the youngest teams in the league and haven’t won 30 games in the last 3 seasons.… Read More

I’m not buying MLB 2K13…I want The Show on Xbox

Posted on | April 6, 2013 | No Comments

I love sports video games. As a matter of fact that’s basically all I play. My favorite producer of games have been 2k sports. I have bought their products since their incarnation on Sega Dreamcast. That’s right I had a Sega Dreamcast when everyone was rocking a PlayStation.  As a matter fact I still have the Dreamcast, and may fire up a game of Sonic 3D Blast tonight.
So I’m partial to 2k sports, which makes it well with in my right to say, “I will not buy mlb 2k13!”
I know everyone has been sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for this announcement, so I had to make a statement. While I have liked the previous versions of this franchise. Over the last 3 years there has been no evolution worth paying $60 for. As a matter of fact 2k13 is exactly like 2k12, only with updated rosters. So while I love playing with the true quality of the players in the game, it’s not worth the money.  Especially when MLB The Show has everything you want and cost $60 as well.… Read More

“David Letterman – Kevin Ware Top Ten”

Posted on | April 6, 2013 | No Comments

Kevin Ware of the Louisville Cardinal’s basketball team, broke his leg in one of the most horrific sports injuries ever. So what do you do? Put out a top 10 list of course.

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane
… Read More

Don’t jump on Cleveland’s LeBron Hater bandwagon (Miami style)

Posted on | March 28, 2013 | No Comments

The Miami Heat and LeBron James lost last night. That’s right people that live under a rock, spoiler alert; the second longest streak in the history of the NBA has come to an end. This means there will be no record breaking history, so go ahead and pop bottles Jerry West, because Lord knows I am.

I haven’t celebrated a loss this much since the last time the Heat lost. I though all my basketball pleasure was focused on Ohio State’s run to the Final Four. Come to find out, I had a tank full of bile that waiting to explode the minute LeBron James lost a game.1 And explode it did. As soon as I saw my boy Kirk Hendrick give Chris Bosh a MEAT session. I pronounced the game over, and began popping celebratory cans of Miller High Life. I had a smile that would make the Grinch that Stole Christmas jealous, and I have a feeling I wasn’t alone.… Read More

If Ohio State doesn’t make the Final Four, they’ve underachieved

Posted on | March 27, 2013 | No Comments

I still can’t belive what I saw at the end of Ohio States’ game against Iowa State. You could have told me that Aaron Craft would step up at the end of the game to make a big shot. However if you told me that shot would be a 3 pointer after he had waived off the leading scorer in the Big Ten (Deshaun Thomas). I woukd have said, “My boy Aaron Craft must have been feeling it. On a Rick James in the 80s type of level. He must have been slapping the other team around (MEAT style).”

Aaron Craft against Iowa State

While I didn’t believe that Aaron Craft had a bad game, I must admit that the egg was in the building. And when I say in the building I mean on the sideline about to take his warm ups off, and saddle up next to Craft on the free throw line.… Read More

Top 5 NFL draft busts, 1998 – 2008

Posted on | March 14, 2013 | No Comments

Everyone likes a good draft bust, the hype, the hope, the shame, and the blame.

They get GM’s fired and ammo to opposing fans to hold over someone’s head forever. There have been dozens over the years, but these five stick out as legendary.

The criteria I used is: overall performance, who was picked after them, and overall strength of that draft.

I chose this time frame because it takes about 5 years to judge a draft. And hopefully, your team isn’t one of them.

5. Robert Gallery, OT, Oakland Raiders, #2 overall 2004

Technically, Gallery hasn’t had a bad career. He was a solid guard for a few years, and was a starter. Coming out of college, he was hyped as a quick footed tackle who a team could plug in and forget about the position for a decade. At Iowa, Robert was a 2 time all American, and his performance and measurables all screamed franchise tackle.… Read More

Will Seattle fans love these Seattle Seahawks…Harvin, Sherman, and all?

Posted on | March 13, 2013 | No Comments

The Seattle Seahawks have undergone a transformation.

They have distanced themselves from the passive aggressive organization; that was happy to have a serviceable quarterback, a running back that accumulated empty stats, and a false profit¹ (Mike Holmgren) making all the decisions. Now there a team straight of the Pete Carroll handbook, which states in section 1-13 do whatever you want, just win.

That’s the motto of these Seattle Seahawks. They have a bunch of talented players that pop pill, steal donuts, and grow dreadlocks. And oh! There are so many dreadlocks on this team. (The dreadlock to regular hair ratio can be an indicator of how much MEAT your team has. If you don’t believe me, watch college football team in the SEC). Basically Pete Carroll has assembled the team that the NCAA wouldn’t allow him to. This attitude will only get stronger with the addition of Percy Harvin.

Harvin was a malcontent in Minnesota and at the University of Florida.… Read More

The Sacramento Kings move to Seattle hits roadblock

Posted on | March 4, 2013 | 1 Comment

Yeah…so about the Sacramento Kings moving to Seattle. Perhaps the fans in Seattle jumped the gun.

For the last 2 months all I’ve heard is,

Seattle sports fans – “The Sonics are coming back.”

Me – “Really…what makes you say that?”

People that think reporters matter – “I read a story about it in the newspaper. As a matter of fact we’re getting a hockey team too!”

Me – “Really…what makes you say that?”

People that think the city of Seattle is going to build another stadium for a team that stinks – “Well their building a stadium downtown”

Me – “Really…we will see.”

*please note that the Seattle Supersonics are never coming back. They can’t come back because they no longer exist. If somehow in the – hell no it will never happen – chance that the Oklahoma City Thunder moved back to Seattle you could argue that the Sonics were back.… Read More

Cleveland Cavaliers’ Dion Waiters, turning it around

Posted on | February 28, 2013 | No Comments

My man Dion Waiters has been going H.A.M. (flash style) for the last month and a half.

Things looked bleak for the Cleveland cavaliers when Kyrie Irving was advised to sit out and rest his knee. However, Waiters has taken Irving’s absence as an opportunity to showcase his skill. He has led the Cavaliers to 2 consecutive win, and nearly added a third over the Miami Heat. With Irving out, people are noticing Dion, but this isn’t a recent trend. It’s been this way for a while.

Now I will be the first to say I am pleasantly/shockingly surprised. I couldn’t stand Dion Waiters for the first 2 months of the NBA season. He was horribly inconsistent and shot the Cavaliers out of basketball games. Dude was shooting a miraculous 30% from the field – also known as Austin Rivers territory –, and was eventually bench by Byron Scott. Personally I wanted Scott to ship him off to sea in a pontoon boat with just enough gas for a one way trip.… Read More

Improved Cleveland Cavaliers have won 7 of 11…now stop!

Posted on | February 10, 2013 | No Comments

The young Cleveland Cavaliers look like they’re starting to figure out how to play. That’s evident by them winning 7 of their last 11, and emerging from the purgatory, that is the worst teams in the NBA. please note: they are still one of the worst teams, but there is a reason for a hyperbolic celebration anytime you are no longer associated with the Charlotte Bobcats. Offensively they are sharing the ball, which is an improvement that can’t be understated. They no longer have the feel of a constipated man on a government cheese and potato diet.

A lot of credit for the Cavaliers’ recent winning has to go to Byron Scott and the front office. Please note: In any conversation involving the success of the 2012 Cavaliers. It’s understood that Kyrie Irving gets 85% of the credit. It has been nice to get a look at the way Byron Scott would like the team to play.… Read More