For some reason I got suck watching the Jersey Shore a couple days ago. Now I’m not quite sure how it happened. Maybe it was fate? Kind of like a final destination situation. Where even when you try and get away. Eventually your television just gets suck on MTV at 10 o’ clock. That could be what happened. Then again I could programmed it in my TIVO a month ago, just so I could play it back after I watched it live. However it may have happened, I got locked into the first 15 minutes of the season premiere of the Jersey Shore.
The Jersey Shore is over, done, finito. We minus well zip up this body bag full of suntan lotion, and put it on the curb. All the story lines have been exhausted. Sure you can throw in a Snookie pregnancy and the idea that The Situation will stop drinking to distract us, but at the end of the day the show is still the same.… Read More
How disturbing is that new Burger King commercial with Steven Tyler (what a terrible introduction I just wrote. I sound like some critic from on high looking down through a monocle while wearing Larry King suspenders)? I may never eat fast food again.
At first I didn’t know it was him. I thought it was some kind of superimposed picture of Michael Jackson #TheKingIsBack. I thought the people responsible for that Tupac Coachella hologram went in business with Burger King, and decided to make us piss our pants. Once I figured that it was Steven Tyler I was even more freaked out, because he looked so dead (I found that ironic because if you eat enough Burger King eventually you will look like Steven Tyler. “That’s right! If you eat enough Whopper jr’s, you too can look like an 80-year-old woman with small tits.”). Why you would want someone who looks like that to promote your food is beyond me.… Read More
This season of the Jersey Shore sucks (whew now that I got that out of my system)!
I told myself that I was done with the Jersey Shore after this season. I kept that proclamation to myself. However the latex gods that be, must have been of the same opinion. The gods of latex have powers far greater than mine. I can only wish failure and hate from afar. The latex gods have the ability to alter your life with a slight manufacture defect. And they came through in a big way by dropping an 18 year liability in Snooki‘s pouch (Maury Povich style).
Now that Snooki is pregnant that probably spells the end of the Jersey Shore, and that’s a great thing. When this show started it was all about drinking and getting it in. Now it’s about middle age people sharing a frat house that the size of a tuna fish can.… Read More
When I found out that Paula Abdul got fired from some show called The X Factor I was almost brought to tears. I was stunned. It completely caught me off guard. Really? Paula got fired, straight up? What happened? Was she smoking crack again (I don’t know if she smoked crack the first time but it’s funny and I have no problem assassinating someone’s character in the name of comedy. Especially when I’ll never have to stand behind them)? Maybe she boned one of the contestants again (American Idol style).
Now I’m not sure what the X-Factor is exactly because I have video games to play during primetime. It may be terrible, and Paula leaving may be a sign of the end. I think it’s some type of singing game show that wishes it were American Idol. And if you want to have a singing show be successful. You need a bat crazy pill popper who’s prone to slur their words and occasionally take a nap while working.… Read More
Jersey Shore Diaries: S05 E01 & 02, Vinny’s Anxiety and A Bosnian Girl that Wouldn’t Leave the House
A few days ago I made the point to take time out and catch up on the Jersey Shore. Unfortunately it slipped my mind and the second episode was removed from online streaming. Now I have to admit I was sadden, however it didn’t last long. Because the Jersey Shore Comes on MTV aka the network that plays programing to the point you want to stab yourself to neck. So cranked up the television (floor model T.V. style), ratcheted over to MTV, and low and behold, a Jersey Shore marathon. I made it just in time to watch the last season of the Jersey Shore, and the newest episodes. And I’m glad I did.
After trying everything I could to stay awake during the first episode. It was great to not have to use smelling salts to stay remain conscious during the last two episodes. Those episodes were jam-packed with body fluids and confusion, which is the way I like the Shore.… Read More
Just when you think the Jersey Shore can’t get any better. They hit you with a sub par episode that you feel obligated to watch. Now there wasn’t a lot there but do you think that’s going to prevent me from breaking it down?
Even though that’s was one of the most depressing Jersey Shore episodes there are some in arguable takeaways. First all the cast is starting to look a little strung out. They look like a 70s rock band that’s been dropping acid for the last month on a European tour. This is a group that should have broken up a long time ago. The Jersey Shore is the Guns and Roses of reality television. Snooki is Axl Rose, Deena is some weird roadie…. I don’t know who everyone else is. Let just leave here before it starts to get weird and unfunny.
As much as things have changed the story remains the same.… Read More