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Comedic Proseon



EP 30: Man Slaps Girl in NYC Subway Kortney talks about the viral NYC Subway slap

EP 27: BET Hip-Hop Awards; Breaking Bad Kortney talks about the BET Hip-Hop Awards and Breaking Bad Action Figures.

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Video of the Week


Stand-Up By Me

The Fantastic New Pringles Tortillas Nacho Chips


I don’t work for Pringles, but after this endorsement I should. As a matter of fact after this endorsement I should own a piece of Pringles. Maybe they could sponsor the website or the podcast. Hell, maybe they can sponsor both. “Hit me up Pringles!”

Here it is:

Pringles came out with these new tortillas nacho flavored potato chips, and they are fantastic. And by fantastic I mean, I would get into a wrestling match with a child for the last can in the store. That’s how good these chips are. And I wouldn’t take it easy on the kid. I’m fighting this kid like it’s a UFC title fight (Bones Jones style).

Now I noticed that these chips had the, “new flavor” logo on the can. Usually that means they’re only available for a limited time. That means you need to stock up immediately. Get as much as humanly possible.… Read More

Brazilian Meat Feast (All You Can Eat style)


I’ve heard mystical stories of Brazilian restaurants that would feed you an unlimited amount of meat. All you had to do is pay a flat rate, and they would bring you meat by the wheel barrow.

I remember when my brother told me a story of such a place. He said they brought him meat until he ripped a hole through his underpants. And even after he told them that his underpants were torn, and he couldn’t take any more. They tried to entice him to eat more meat. They actually brought in the girl that danced in Big Boi’s The Way You Move video, and had her serenade him with a cheesesteak. I couldn’t believe that that story was true…until.

Yesterday I finally went to one of those mystical Brazilian restaurants, and I too, ripped through my underpants.

I had no idea that the meat would be so free.… Read More

Snooki’s pregnant?!@#% Hopefully this is the End of the Jersey Shore

This season of the Jersey Shore sucks (whew now that I got that out of my system)!

I told myself that I was done with the Jersey Shore after this season. I kept that proclamation to myself. However the latex gods that be, must have been of the same opinion. The gods of latex have powers far greater than mine. I can only wish failure and hate from afar. The latex gods have the ability to alter your life with a slight manufacture defect. And they came through in a big way by dropping an 18 year liability in Snooki‘s pouch (Maury Povich style).

Now that Snooki is pregnant that probably spells the end of the Jersey Shore, and that’s a great thing. When this show started it was all about drinking and getting it in. Now it’s about middle age people sharing a frat house that the size of a tuna fish can.… Read More

Carlos Boozer of the Chicago Bulls, “Are you using hair butter?”

I didn’t plan on writing today because I like to take Tuesdays off to perfect my FIFA 12 skills, and since I’m dedicated to the process of being a champion I don’t like to waver. However all that went out the window when I realized there was a coat of stuff in Carlos Boozer’s of the Chicago Bulls‘ head Sunday afternoon.

Let me first admit that I was fooled. I watched him miss ten foot jump shots and get outworked for rebounds all game. Yet it never occurred to me that he had a head full of an indiscernible substance. Maybe it was shoe polish and the residue was dripping into his eye? It would make some sense. It would at least explain how continues to miss baskets.

So what is that substance? Who knows? The only people who truly know are Carlos Boozer and possibly the tattoo artist that thought it was a good idea to start giving shape-ups on the weekend.… Read More

Paula Abdul Gets the X Factor, Hopefully She Starts Robbing Drug Dealers

When I found out that Paula Abdul got fired from some show called The X Factor I was almost brought to tears. I was stunned. It completely caught me off guard. Really? Paula got fired, straight up? What happened? Was she smoking crack again (I don’t know if she smoked crack the first time but it’s funny and I have no problem assassinating someone’s character in the name of comedy. Especially when I’ll never have to stand behind them)? Maybe she boned one of the contestants again (American Idol style).

Now I’m not sure what the X-Factor is exactly because I have video games to play during primetime. It may be terrible, and Paula leaving may be a sign of the end. I think it’s some type of singing game show that wishes it were American Idol. And if you want to have a singing show be successful. You need a bat crazy pill popper who’s prone to slur their words and occasionally take a nap while working.… Read More

Elisabetta Canalis Goes From George Clooney to Jackass…”WTF?”

Women have a vice that is mind boggling. I’ve seen most of the women I’m associated with in life take part in this particular vice at least once, and it is quite simply one of the strangest things I’ve ever witnessed. When a woman dates an amazing man and it doesn’t work out she will then go to the bottom of the pile for a replacement.

Why would I say this is considered a vice? Well, dating a loser does the same thing for a woman with heart-break that smoking crack does for a 19-year-old mother of 2. It takes away the pain. When the man of your dreams breaks your heart the only thing that will help repair it is dating someone that has no right being associated with you because that man will worship the ground you walk on and make you feel like a queen (or at least someone capable of being loved).… Read More

Welcome To Comedic Prose

I don’t know if you’re here by mistake, or if you actually plan your day around this post. Hopefully you planned your day around the launch of this site. I enjoy the idea of some desperate guy setting pacing while he watches the clock on the microwave thinking, “I wonder what the first piece will be in The Purple Drank (we’ll get to the purple later). The bottom line is you made it, and you’re in a good spot.

The Comedic Prose is the newest and eventually the best destination for comedy online. The goal of this site is to bring comedy content in written form (hence the name comedic prose) that you can then share with you friends. Then they will share it with their friends. So this joint can eventually blow up like Amy Winehouse on a coke binge (too soon…didn’t think so).

We’re going to bring you content in several areas.… Read More

  • See Me Live, (Stand-Up Style) Comedy Showcase

    The first Sunday of every month Kortney hosts and produces a stand-up comedy show at Naked City Brewery & Taphouse in Seattle entitled, (Stand-Up style) Comedy Showcase Naked City Brewery You can buy tickets now on Brown Paper Tickets…more

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