*****Spoiler Alert…I Think?!!*****

Lincoln is nominated for one hundred forty seven Academy Awards, and somehow it will manage to win one hundred and fifty. So I guess we’re all supposed to be enthralled with this movie; A movie which we all knew the plot, setting, and ending, as soon as we knew the title.

But allow me to point out some criticisms at the risk of being struck down.

Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones) had a black wife and no one carried

There are a lot of things that you could keep secret back in the 1800s, but having a black wife isn’t one of them. Despite the fact of there being no internet or Polaroid technology, I think someone would have found out. Especially since black people were slaves.

All you have to do is what for the black woman that gets new dresses and never leaves the house. That should raise some red flags. And if red flags are raised…put it in your historical one hundred forty seven time nominated Lincoln movie

75 black people got to watch as The House of Representatives voted on the 13th Amendment

I must have missed the day in history class when the teacher talked about how black people were allowed to sit in, while the House voted on whether they were human beings. I wish hadn’t missed that day. Because then the climax in Lincoln would have made sense.

It’s impossible to believe that power full white men in the 1800s, let black people watch them make decisions. However this movie would have you believe that they walked black people in, guided them to their balcony seats, and let them watch as people voted them back into slavery.

Perhaps it all went down this way, but I don’t think so

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

1. I always love the dialogue between Tony  and Elvira when they first meet in the Scarface. Tony tries to talk to her and she hits him with the line, “I Dont bl**p the help.” That’s how I feel about any Vice Presidential debate.
2. I’m not the sucker that will admit to buy/stealing a newspaper from someone in my building
3. This was the suburbs, so Bumpy Johnson looked that weird kid in road trip.

It’s been ten years since Kanye West announced his arrival on the music scene with The College Dropout. Back then West was just some guy wearing cashmere Polos. This was back before he became a pop-culture controversy magnet. It may be hard for you to remember that far back, but try to take yourself there. Go back to before he stated that George Bush didn’t care about black people or jumped on stage drunk during award show, just to scare a teenage girl. Remember when you oblivious to the fact that he had an ego that was larger than Star Jones pre-surgery. Go back 10 years when he was just a guy that was just a genius producer.

The year before The College Dropout came out. Rap music was at a standstill. While the industry was healthy, there wasn’t any progress (that is also the definition of a stand still. I guess you can call this repetitive). Then along came Kanye West with fresh creativity and a confident view of self. He changed the way rap music was done. He merged spoken word hip hop with his unique production. He also brought Polo cable sweaters and his questionable use of a Louis Vuitton backpack (I actually think that was a purse, but who cares. He did it for hip hop). West made being an individual cool again.

The success of The College Dropout was due to perfect timing and the need for something new. The College Dropout brought back the soul sound of Hip hop from the 80s with a progressive approach. I think he said it best in Last Call, Though the fans want the feeling of A Tribe Called Quest. But all they got left is this guy called West. It was a combination that had been tried, but never done successfully. The most notable attempts were by Puff Daddy during the 90s. He continued to sample classic records, underneath the banner of true creativity. When in actuality it was an easy way to sell records. I will admit it worked when he first started doing it, but when you bastardizing Hollywood Swinging it’s time to stop (Kool and the Gang are rolling in their graves).

The College Dropout was a huge success. It debut at #2 on the Billboard Chart, and it won the Grammy for Rap Album of the year. It also gave Kanye West the public platform to himself which allowed him to go crazy (Jeezy style). However, while he was going crazy, his debut was putting the rap game on notice. The style that West ushered in practically eliminated non-sense (I’m talking about Lil Jon and crunk music, save for Uncle Luke because that’s my boy), and I am forever thankful. It got to the point where I couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing Lil Jon. So I’m glad he took Jon out of circulation. If not, I was planning on doing it myself (Miami style). This album also changed the way rappers dressed. Baggy jeans and big t-shirts were replaced by button ups and loafers (I got to shout out Trick daddy here. He was the first modern day rapper to promote Polo clothing. “Are those Bugle Boy jeans you’re wearing? Hell nah hoe, you know they Polo!”). The College Dropout opened an avenue for artist like Common (I know he was out before but he was irrelevant in the mainstream before Kanye) and Lupe Fiasco. West style of producing can also be credit for the success of Jay-Z’s The Blueprint. Izzo (H.O.V.A.) and Heart of the City were just a precursor for what was to come. And Kanye West came, and took over the game.

It’s been 10 years since Kanye West debuted with The College Dropout and it still holds up. It is arguably the greatest hip hop album of all time. As time passes the popularity of The College Dropout may fade, but its significance can still be seen.

Last Call

I’d like to propose a toast

I said toast m**********r

And I am

(Here’s to The Roc)

And they ask me, they ask me, they ask me, I tell them

(Mr Rocafella)

Raise your glasses, your glasses, your glasses to the sky

This is the last call for alcohol, for the

So get your ass up off the bar

The all around the world, Digital Underground, Pac

The Rudloph the red nosed reindeer of the Roc

I take my chain, my fifteen seconds of fame

And come back next year with the whole f*****g game

Ain’t nobody expect Kanye to end up on top

They expected that College Dropout to drop and then flop

Then maybe he stop savin’ all the good beats for himself

Rocafella’s only niggaz that help

My money was thinner than Sean Paul’s goatee hair

Now Jean Paul Gaultier cologne fill the air here

They say he bourgie, he big headed

Won’t you please stop talking about how my d**k head is

Flow infectious, give me ten seconds

I’ll have a buzz bigger than insects in Texas

It’s funny how wasn’t nobody interested

‘Til the night I almost killed myself in Lexus

And I am

(Here’s to The Roc)

And they ask me, they ask me, they ask me, I tell them

(Mr Rocafella)

Raise your glasses, your glasses, your glasses to the sky

This is the last call for alcohol, for the

So get you’re a** up off the bar

Now was Kanye the most overlooked? Yes, sir

Now is Kanye the most overbooked? Yes, sir

Though the fans want the feeling of A Tribe Called Quest

But all they got left is this guy called West

Better take Freeway, throw him on tracks with Mos Def

Call him Kwa-li or Kwe-li, I put him on songs with Jay-Z

I’m the Gap like Banana Republic and Old Navy, and, ooh

It come out sweeter than old Sadie

Nice as Bun-B when I met him at the Source awards

Girl, he had with him, a** coulda’ won the horse awards

And I was almost famous, now everybody love Kanye

I’m almost Raymond

Some say he arrogant, can y’all blame him?

It was straight embarrassing how y’all played him

Last year shoppin’ my demo, I was tryin’ to shine

Every m**********r told me that I couldn’t rhyme

Now I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem

Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams

I use it as my gas so they say that I’m gassed

But without it I’d be last so I ought to laugh

So I don’t listen to the suits behind the desk no more

You niggaz wear suits ’cause you can’t dress no more

You can’t say shit to Kanye West no more

I rocked twenty thousand people, I was just on tour, nigga

I’m Kan, the Louis Vuitton Don

Bought my mom a purse, now she Louis Vuitton Mom

I ain’t play the hand I was dealt, I changed my cards

I prayed to the skies and I changed my stars

I went to the malls and I balled too hard

Oh, my God, is that a black card?

I turned around and replied, why, yes

But I prefer the term African American Express

Brains, power, and muscle, like Dame, Puffy, and Russell

Your boy back on his hustle, you know what I’ve been up to

Killin y’all, niggaz, on that lyrical s**t

Mayonnaise colored Benz, I push Miracle Whips

And I am

(Here’s to The Roc)

And they ask me, they ask me, they ask me, I tell them

(Mr. Rocafella)

Raise your glasses, your glasses, your glasses to the sky

This is the last call for alcohol, for the

So get you’re a** up off the bar

Last call for alcohol, for my niggaz

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

So Will Ferrell announced the starting lineups for the Chicago Bulls and New Orleans Hornets last night. How he got the job is kind of confusing. I guess he was in town to film a movie, and David Stern called and said, “Hey Will, could you come to the arena and do a favor for ya boy. I’m still trying to sell this putrid New Orleans franchise, and if I could somehow trick someone into buying it would be great. So, if you could get on the microphone and lay down some witty anecdotes, I may be able to swindle Seattle into taking this team. Potentially you could help me may disguise the fact that I facilitated one of the worse trades of all time. ‘Damn that trade was terrible’. I think I may end up challenging Michael Jordan for the worse GM of all time (I wouldn’t go that far).”

So Will Ferrell walk to center court last night and it looked something like this.

Wow! That was sad. Who does a 80s night promotion when the franchise wasn’t even around in the 80s? Technically they were around, but they were the Charlotte Hornets. That means that New Orleans wanted this team just as much 30 years ago as they do now.

I’m not sure anybody wanted to be there. It seemed like Ferrell didn’t even want to come out to introduce the home team. I swear I heard him mouth the words, “Man David Stern really bleeped me this time. Why couldn’t I do this for an actual NBA team? Good thing none of these jokes are funny.”

Personally I thought it was okay. However, I think I have to agree with Will and say the jokes weren’t funny. I will admit that part of my opinion is drenched in envy, because I wanted David Stern to ask me to do it. The other part of my opinion is clouded by the fact that it wasn’t funny. You may argue that I’m wrong, but watch that tape again. And if you think it’s still funny you’re probably a member of Mike and Mike’s staff (shots fired). Now I don’t hold Ferrell accountable for that. It was probably a last minute thing (you could tell by his Fidel Castro like track suit,). I just hope this doesn’t become a trend, because sooner or later Jeff Ross will find out. And that’s the last person I want to see with a microphone (He’s actually 3^rd 1^st is Lady Gaga, 2^nd LeBron James and 3^rd The Douche Master Himself). However if he does get a chance, let me grace the mic first.

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Here’s a look at last week’s headlines . . .

By the Numbers

1. The number of Iranian nuclear scientists killed by a bomb this week (I’ll let you figure out the irony in that one).

2. The number of years since a 7.0 magnitude earthquake tore through the nation of Haiti, devastating a nation, which still sees 1 billion people displaced from the disaster.

3.  The number of teenagers shot, following a series of gunshots in Southeast, Washington, DC at approximately 9AM Thursday morning . . . wait for it . . . yes, you’re correct, they should’ve been in school.  Michelle Rhee just didn’t think about the possibility of gun – violence when she fired 500 teachers in less than a semester on the job.

4.  The number of Top Republican Primary candidates, which have been deemed ineligible to run for the primary in the state of Virginia, due to a new Virginia law.

5.  Apparently the number of comedians Kevin Hart has in his iPod’s “Comedy” playlist, as expressed via his newest Comedy Central stand-up special, where he basically states “I’m so funny, I can make other comedians . . . funnier just by standing next to me – or I’ll just look funnier standing next to people taller than 5’4” . . . Whatever.  Mo’ Money, MO’ MONEY either way)

6:  The number of idiots running for the Republican Nomination for the 2012 Presidential Race: Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, John Huntsman.

Surprise, surprise I have nothing positive to say about a murder of crows, which referred to our only Black President as a “Food Stamp President.”  But we’ll take this one at a time.

First up: Mitt Romney.

Where else could I start?  Mitt Romney is the current front-runner and richest candidate in the race, so naturally I don’t like him.  But can you blame me? I mean besides the fact that his name is a synonym for a an instrument used to catch baseballs (my most hated sport), this guy also ran a business, that made money off putting people out of business.  In the past fifteen years, Bain Capital let go of more low-level workers than Herman Caine (too soon . . . yeah, didn’t think so).

Lots of animosity for this guy, mostly because I found out the reason he’s running from his wife.  She said in a public interview “Mitt was thinking of not running for a lot of reasons . . . and I asked him one question ‘Mitt, do you think you could save America?’ he said ‘Yes.’”  Apparently the Presidential Candidate to be, hasn’t looked back since.  I just wonder, what is he saving us from?  Jobs?  Hard work?  Those Chrysler 300 commercials?  Ndamukong Suh? An 8 Mile sequel?  Insert Detroit joke here ___?

Sorry Mrs. Romney, I’m just a little confused.  I thought we needed jobs?  Ohhhh . . . I get it now.  Mitt’s a “Dark Knight” type of candidate.  The type of hero we need, just not the type we can appreciate right now . . . okay.  So when he says he’ll create more jobs, is that a Harvey Dent impression?  Now I’m really confused.

Kyle Williams

News Writer

Follow Kyle on Twitter @darealkwilliams

I don’t know if you’re here by mistake, or if you actually plan your day around this post. Hopefully you planned your day around the launch of this site. I enjoy the idea of some desperate guy setting pacing while he watches the clock on the microwave thinking, “I wonder what the first piece will be in The Purple Drank (we’ll get to the purple later). The bottom line is you made it, and you’re in a good spot.

The Comedic Prose is the newest and eventually the best destination for comedy online. The goal of this site is to bring comedy content in written form (hence the name comedic prose) that you can then share with you friends. Then they will share it with their friends. So this joint can eventually blow up like Amy Winehouse on a coke binge (too soon…didn’t think so).

We’re going to bring you content in several areas. However we will specialize in sports, vices, and things we can’t control (That’s one of the best sentences I’ve ever written, and it’s the ultimate deal closer). If you went out with a girl and she said she was into sports, vices, and things she can’t control. Tell me you wouldn’t ask her to help you rob a bank (Ride or Die Chick style)

You will always be able to find that content under the Sports Section (sports), The Purple Drank (the purple drank is the best title for something that makes you feel lazy and relaxed. “Oh vices”), and Critiquing Overhead (things we can’t control). In addition to these categories there will also be a rotation of pop-culture, Media reviews, and an occasional comedy review.

Please bear with us over the next few months. Things will be constantly changing as we get the opportunity to see what does and doesn’t work. If you have any suggestion please send them here: Contact Comedic Prose. The bottom line is we will be bringing it.

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor of Comedic Prose

www.comedicprose.com/kortneywilliams