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Calendar by Kieran O'Shea
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The fix! How Mike Brown got back to the Cleveland Cavaliers*
Mike Brown is back in the NBA as the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers! How wonderful is that? I get to see Mike Brown on the sideline again.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing Mike Brown pacing the sideline, with that confused, yet puzzled-happy look on his face. It’s the exact same look you have when you’re not sure if you left your lights on in the car, but you’re reassured knowing that you have jumper cables in the trunk. I don’t know how often we will get that confused, yet puzzled-happy look with LeBron is no longer in town. At the same time, the Cavaliers no longer have Eric Snow, Larry Hughes, and Sasha Pavlović. So there’s still plenty of reason to look happy. The question is, what has Mike Brown gotten himself into.
The Cleveland Cavaliers may seem like a bad job from the outside. They’re one of the youngest teams in the league and haven’t won 30 games in the last 3 seasons.… Read More
Cleveland Cavaliers’ Dion Waiters, turning it around
My man Dion Waiters has been going H.A.M. (flash style) for the last month and a half.
Things looked bleak for the Cleveland cavaliers when Kyrie Irving was advised to sit out and rest his knee. However, Waiters has taken Irving’s absence as an opportunity to showcase his skill. He has led the Cavaliers to 2 consecutive win, and nearly added a third over the Miami Heat. With Irving out, people are noticing Dion, but this isn’t a recent trend. It’s been this way for a while.
Now I will be the first to say I am pleasantly/shockingly surprised. I couldn’t stand Dion Waiters for the first 2 months of the NBA season. He was horribly inconsistent and shot the Cavaliers out of basketball games. Dude was shooting a miraculous 30% from the field – also known as Austin Rivers territory –, and was eventually bench by Byron Scott. Personally I wanted Scott to ship him off to sea in a pontoon boat with just enough gas for a one way trip.… Read More
Improved Cleveland Cavaliers have won 7 of 11…now stop!
The young Cleveland Cavaliers look like they’re starting to figure out how to play. That’s evident by them winning 7 of their last 11, and emerging from the purgatory, that is the worst teams in the NBA. please note: they are still one of the worst teams, but there is a reason for a hyperbolic celebration anytime you are no longer associated with the Charlotte Bobcats. Offensively they are sharing the ball, which is an improvement that can’t be understated. They no longer have the feel of a constipated man on a government cheese and potato diet.
A lot of credit for the Cavaliers’ recent winning has to go to Byron Scott and the front office. Please note: In any conversation involving the success of the 2012 Cavaliers. It’s understood that Kyrie Irving gets 85% of the credit. It has been nice to get a look at the way Byron Scott would like the team to play.… Read More
The Cleveland Browns get rid of their Big Tuna, Mike Holmgren
Mike Holmgren has been fired from the Cleveland Browns. Now I know there was some press release where they said he stepped down, and planned on retiring at the end of the season. However we know that’s not true. Who believes that a guy woke up 6 games into the football season and decided to quit a front office job? A job – I might add – that he hasn’t been good at since the day he walked through the door, yet he continued to cash the checks? Dude got fired, because a new owner came in, and saw that he wasn’t getting it done. This situation reminds me of the one the Miami Dolphins were in with the Big Tuna.
Bill Parcells stole money from the Miami Dolphins (Mike Holmgren style). He got a front office job based on his reputation and a Super Bowl championship. Yet he never produced any substantive results, and once there was an ownership change he went deuces.… Read More
About time to fork the 2012 Cleveland Indians
After the Cleveland Indians won last week’s series against the Detroit Tigers, not only did Cleveland fans think they could make a run at the A.L. Wildcard. They also thought that they could win the division.
While I watched them play I couldn’t help but think, “Maybe this young team has found a way to get it done. Perhaps they have an effective starting pitcher that can throw a ball over the plate without it being taken deep?” After watching the Indians get smashed at home this weekend against the Minnesota Twins (Justin Morneau style), those assertions sounds ridiculous. In actually the Indians are probably a mediocre team that managed to squeak out two games against and underachieving Tigers squad.
It may be time to pull out the fork for the Cleveland Indians. I say “May” because they’re only five games back with about 60 games left to play. However if you been watching this team it would be wise to at least open the knife drawer, and start deciding which one you want to use.… Read More
Cleveland Cavaliers will lose in a 3-team trade…unless?*
A great man once said, “Three ways are never a good, because someone always leaves unsatisfied.” The Cleveland Cavaliers are in prime position to be that guy watching at the foot of the bed. If the Cavaliers end up being the 3rd team in the Dwight Howard deal, it could set back their franchise for the next few years. The goal is to bring a championship to the city of Cleveland, and as presently constituted. The three team deal would put them further away from that goal. They will end up getting one above average NBA player and potentially the 27th pick from the Brooklyn Nets. That’s a recipe for the 7th spot in the playoffs.
When the Cavaliers lost their superstar in the summer of 2011, they guaranteed themselves a couple of things. A lot of losing and lottery picks. If a team is patience and smart, both of those things can make you a championship contender (please see the Oklahoma City Thunder).… Read More
Cleveland Cavalier Fan’s Reaction to the 2012 NBA Finals: Part 1
I guess it’s time for the Cleveland Cavalier fan to emerge. Personally I had to give the Cleveland fan inside me some time to recover. I actually started my recovery 3 minutes into the 3rd quarter. When I realized that the Oklahoma City Thunder were intent on putting Kendrick Perkins on the floor, just so they could watch him get his shot get his shot blocked. And when Mike Miller hit his 15th 3-pointer in row, I thought it was a good time to jog 3 miles in hopes of getting some of that pissed off, off of me. If I would have stayed in front of my tube T.V., I would have probably thrown an MGD at it.
Fortunately my low only lasted until the next day. That’s when I got to hear the Championship Rant on the Dan LeBatard Show with Stugotz and Hock.
Listening to someone gloat about breaking my heart has never made me feel so good.… Read More
Rooting for The Oklahoma City Thunder in the NBA Finals, the lesser of two evils
The Oklahoma City Thunder and The Miami Heat, will play Game 1 of the NBA Finals tonight. Oklahoma City is the better team, and I expect them to win the Finals in dominating fashion. I believe they could possibly sweep the Heat. However that rarely happens, so I’m picking Oklahoma City in six games. Now that I have gotten my pukey uninspired prediction out of the way, let’s move to the real issue.
Who will I root for?
Naturally I have an inclination to root against anything associated with LeBron James. I stopped drinking Powerade because his face is on the bottle. Actually that’s not completely true. I stopped drinking red Powerade only because his face is only on that bottle, but I still enjoy a refreshing Arctic Shatter after a long day1. So naturally I can’t stand the Miami Heat. I don’t like their uniforms, the Heat girls, or that cynical, “My work is beautiful look” on Pat Riley’s face during games.… Read More
Cleveland Cavaliers may be doomed with Harrison Barnes at the #4 pick
With the Rookie of the year in Kyrie Irving and 4 picks in the 2012 Draft. The Cleveland Cavaliers seem to headed in the right direction. The only problem is they have the potentially catastrophic #4 pick in the 2012 NBA draft, also known as, Harrison Barnes.
If the Cavaliers draft Barnes, there is a 97.7% chance that the pick will be wasted. Only thing that keeps me from going the full 100% is his ability to shoot, and the fact that I’m a coward. Plus if they do draft him, the 2.3% gives me the ability say, “Well maybe I was wrong.” The problem is he’s a guy that underachieved for 2 years with a team that was loaded with talent. He was supposed the guy that put the ACC on its head, the only freshman to ever make the ACC Preseason first team. However he never showed up, and in the end, wasn’t even the best player on his team.… Read More
Cleveland Indians’ lack of pitching is an insult to “Pedestrian”*
The other day I heard someone say, that the Cleveland Indians’ pitching was, “Pedestrian.”
To say Cleveland’s pitching is pedestrian, is an insult to pedestrians, and anyone that has ever brought a pair of walking shoes (Mr. Rogers style). This pitching staff is competitively repulsive. Only they could give up 23 runs to a Boston Red Sox team that was struggling. I thought that Ubaldo Jiménez was going to be able to give them more, but I’m questioning that. I love his funky motion, with the double clutch action. However if the other team is cranky balls over the wall (José Canseco style) it doesn’t matter. His fall to earth makes me believe the gig is up. Perhaps this is a Dontrelle Willis situation, and he’ll be all but forgotten in 2 seasons. The only thing that could give Cleveland fans some reservation and hope. Is that Jiménez has great stuff.… Read More
Cleveland Indians 1st in the AL Central and they have a young star in Jason Kipnis
The Ubaldo Jimenez got a win for the Cleveland Indians this weekend against Yu Darvish and the Texas Rangers. That’s right Ubaldo finally won something, and he looked good doing it. He only gave up two hits, and no earned runs. Also don’t look now but the Indians are in first place. First place! It’s time to start buying postseason tickets.
If you’re a fan of the Cleveland Indians this is the time when you have to start asking yourself, “Are the Indians really good, or is this a mirage? Perhaps this will end the same way last year did. With me trying to get rid of my tickets on StubHub while I wonder why Grady Sizemore is still on the team.”
The Cleveland Indians were ahead of schedule last year. It was Carlos Santana’s (I love that name. I pronounce it like Future pronounces, Tony Montana) first full season, Jimenez came in during the middle of the season, and for some reason we were still treating Grady Sizemore like he was good.… Read More
LeBron James and the indictment that is his third MVP
LeBron James of the Miami Heat is about to win his third MVP. That’s right, “Not one, not two, but three (Cue the smoke and music ‘bum, bum, bum’).” With his this MVP, LeBron will solidify himself as the best player of his generation (I’m not sure this is breaking news. I mean who is better than him? The only person close to him in this generation is Dwyane Wade, and he not even in the conversation.), and it’s not even close. He’s better than every player of his era in all the important measurable categories, and he’s the only player to lead his team to multiple 60 win seasons (Derrick Rose did it once, but I refuse to make this article about his inadequacies. So allow me to leave that there). Now you add a 2012 season, where dude was on his Captain Kirk ish*1, and even the biggest LeBron critic would have to say he’s killing it (Shaolin style).… Read More
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Kortney Shane Williams is the founder and edito-in-chief of Comedic Prose. He is an objective Cleveland sports fan that is beyond desperate for a championship.
He is more known for being an international touring stand-up comedian that currently considers Seattle Washington to be his home. His most recent full length comedy album entitled, “I’m Right about This" is available on iTunes.
