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EP 30: Man Slaps Girl in NYC Subway Kortney talks about the viral NYC Subway slap

EP 27: BET Hip-Hop Awards; Breaking Bad Kortney talks about the BET Hip-Hop Awards and Breaking Bad Action Figures.

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Stand-Up By Me

Then There Were Four…New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, San Francisco 49ers, New York Giants…Who Will It Be?

After nearly an entire NFL season that came close to not happening in the first place, we have just four teams remaining with a chance to win it all.  The winners of this Sunday’s games will face off in Super Bowl XXVILMNOP or whatever number they’re on.  And no matter what happens, neither team will be the Saints or the Packers.

This time of the year has always been bitter-sweet for me.  On one hand, I know in my gut that football is almost over and that the longest eight months of the year are just around the corner.  I also know that I will soon have to acquire a life again.

On the other hand, I get to enjoy the most intense football of the season.  I’ve always felt the conference championship yielded better “football” games than the Super Bowl.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some great Super Bowls over the last decade, but the final four teams that play for the conference championships are always playing at a top-notch level.  The week of constant media hoopla between the conference championships and the Super Bowl seems to drag the participating teams down.  One of my favorite bets I ever made was betting the under in the first half (24.5) of Super Bowl XXVLMXYZ (the one when the Saints beat the Colts).  Even though both those teams had high-powered offenses, I knew the time off was going to effect the flow of the game from an offensive standpoint.… Read More

NFL Divisional Playoff Betting Picks

If you remember back to last week’s column, I did you all the favor of giving you my gambling picks for the wild-card round of the NFL playoffs.  But, in all actuality, I hope you DON’T remember back to last week’s column .  I went 2-6 on last week’s picks, including an embarrassingly pathetic 0-4 on the Sunday games and 0-4 on the over/unders.  Listen folks, I’m not a psychic.  Nor am I a genius.  To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure what I going to write about in order to fill the rest of this column, let alone how professional sporting events are going to play out.  But if you think a weekend of bad picks is going to stop me from gambling, you obviously don’t know my gambling track record.  (Believe it or not, I’ve always done pretty well picking games.  It’s that damn Pai-Gow I can’t figure out how to beat.)

Despite last weeks poor results, I’m more than confident that I can fight my way back to a .500 winning percentage by the end of the Super Bowl.  Here’s my picks for this weekend’s games.  Picks are in bold, and my opinion is fact.… Read More

Playoffs?! PLAYOFFS?!?

 

 

This is the first week of comedicprose.com, and it’s also the first week of the NFL’s 2011 postseason.  As a thank you for reading this piece, I’m going to give you the winning bets for all four playoff games.  Honestly, I’m just doing what every sportswriter does:  I’m going to state my opinion as if it were fact, and try desperately to convince you I’m right.

The key to sports betting is to never, under any circumstance, ever find yourself in a position where you’re betting on sports.  Nothing good will ever come from doing this.  However, if you find yourself having to bet on professional sports, you can use this column as a survival guide.  My picks are in bold and my opinion is fact.

I will bet ten (fake) dollars on every pick I make. I’m starting this column with 100 (imaginary) bucks and will keep track of the (invisible) money I make/lose by the end of the postseason.  My goal is to have 1000 (real) dollars by the end of the Super Bowl.  No, seriously.  I really hope I have $1,000 by the first week of February.  That would be pretty sweet.… Read More

Welcome To Comedic Prose

I don’t know if you’re here by mistake, or if you actually plan your day around this post. Hopefully you planned your day around the launch of this site. I enjoy the idea of some desperate guy setting pacing while he watches the clock on the microwave thinking, “I wonder what the first piece will be in The Purple Drank (we’ll get to the purple later). The bottom line is you made it, and you’re in a good spot.

The Comedic Prose is the newest and eventually the best destination for comedy online. The goal of this site is to bring comedy content in written form (hence the name comedic prose) that you can then share with you friends. Then they will share it with their friends. So this joint can eventually blow up like Amy Winehouse on a coke binge (too soon…didn’t think so).

We’re going to bring you content in several areas.… Read More

  • See Me Live, (Stand-Up Style) Comedy Showcase

    The first Sunday of every month Kortney hosts and produces a stand-up comedy show at Naked City Brewery & Taphouse in Seattle entitled, (Stand-Up style) Comedy Showcase Naked City Brewery You can buy tickets now on Brown Paper Tickets…more

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