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Video of the Week

 

Stand-Up By Me

The Cleveland Browns must get Robert Griffin III no matter the cost *

The Cleveland Browns must find a way to get Robert Griffin III for several reasons. First and foremost he’s the best quarterback in the draft.

I know some people would argue for Andrew Luck, and to those people I would like to show them a video of RG3 running a 4.38 40-yard dash. Then I would throw in tape from his last year at Baylor, and we would eat popcorn as we watched him hit receivers on deep balls in stride. If that weren’t enough I would tell my boy RG3 to hold up the Heisman Trophy, as I held up my middle finger and a sign that read, “Eat it!”

The Browns have a young team with needs basically everywhere (That includes head coach). So why not go all in on a franchise player at the most important position? Robert Griffin could be the foundation of a division championship team in Cleveland (that’s right I said it).… Read More

The Columbus Blue Jackets stay behind the 8-ball

The non-hockey market of Columbus, Ohio will have to continue waiting for a contender. No biggie, right? It has only been 12 years.

I doubt that very many people really care, but the Columbus Blue Jackets are once again left to rebuild. An expansion franchise that has never really found its way in the National Hockey League, the Blue Jackets will likely be clawing its way up from the bottom of the barrel for another couple of years at least.

Unfortunately, this rebuild happened a year too late.

The trade for Jeff Carter in the off-season, predictably did not have the desired results for GM Scott Howson. They gave up a 1st and 3rd round pick along with Jakub Voracek for a guy who ended up playing 39 unmotivated games. I have cottage cheese in my fridge that has lasted longer than that. Luckily for the Blue Jackets, Los Angeles Kings GM Dean Lombardi threw Scott Howson a bone.… Read More

Milwaukee Brewers’ Ryan Braun is not guilty…thank God for FedEx

In case you didn’t know Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers was deemed not guilty of taking Performance-enhancing drugs, after over 30 days of arbitration. To say I am excited about this outcome would be an understatement. I’m enthralled with the idea of Braun getting away with the biggest sports crime….steroids.

This case isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem. There are a lot of murky parts of this case. What we do know is Ryan Braun was proven not guilty of violating MLBs substance abuse policy because his testing sample was mishandled. The person that was responsible for shipping his supplement via FedEx ended up keeping it at his house for the weekend, because it was Saturday and FedEx was closed. So since protocol was jeopardized the test was rendered null. That’s right! My boy Braun Braun got off for taking drugs because some dope kept his piss at his house for 2 days.… Read More

The NBA All-Star Dunk Contest should take Vince Carter’s advice

This year the NBA All-Star Dunk Contest will feature Jeremy Evans, Chase Budinger, Derrick Williams, and Paul George. While these guys are good young players, nobody wants to see them. I thought the point of the dunk contest was star power? What casual sports fan knows these people? Paul George could be working at Safeway, and the only thing you would do complain about how thick he sliced your meat. Inevitably you’ll talk yourself into tuning in to see what will happen. However as soon as you see somebody introduces a choir while jumping over the local Boys & Girls Club you’ll think, “What the hell am I doing? I need to put down this Coke and start making better decisions.” Now it may sound like I’m against the dunk contest, but that’s not the case. As a matter of fact I love the dunk contest. I will watch any kind of dunk contest as long as the best individuals at that level are competing.… Read More

Kanye West and Jay-Z Drop Ni**as in Paris Video…#FishGrease

I was one of the biggest critics of Kanye West and Jay-Z ‘s compilation album Watch the Throne. My feelings still haven’t change, but I will admit that I was wrong about “Niggas in Paris.” That track is fire! I’m talking about fish grease. I think the first time I listened to it. The weird Safari like horns distracted me. Now that West and Jay have added a hot video it’s official. Niggas in Paris is a classic.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshaneRead More

Portland Trail Blazers, Greg Oden, and the career that should have been

It was announced yesterday that Greg Oden of the Portland Trail Blazers, had his third microfracture surgery in 4 years. That’s unbelievable! Three microfracture surgeries in 4 years, that has to be some kind of record (I’m about to get Ripley on line 1). At this point I question if there are any original parts in his knees. I image that he knees are full of Silly Putty and Fix-a-Flat. Also who are these doctors and what University of Phoenix campus did they go to? When you think about somebody being lousy at their job, you have to put these doctors in the conversation….unless Oden’s body is that bad. Then it’s just an unavoidable problem.

Occasionally there’s a glitch in The Matrix, and oddities come into existence. In basketball those oddities are represented by seven-foot giants that dominate the paint for 10+ years. However, at times it doesn’t pan out that way.… Read More

It’s Peyton Manning’s Choice

Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts is a man. He can make his own decisions and no one else should be telling him otherwise. As much everyone thinks they know what is best for Peyton Manning, they don’t.

Manning is coming off reportedly 4 separate neck surgeries in the past 2 years according to Don Banks of SI.com. According to his birth certificate, Peyton will be 36 by the time the 2012 NFL season rolls around. He has played 13 seasons in the NFL according to his stats page on NFL.com.

A lot of people talk about legacy. Brett Favre apparently had his tarnished.

Apparently, Peyton Manning could end up doing the same thing.

Nonsense.

Peyton Manning can do what he wants.

The tarnishing of the infamous legacy is one of the most absurd concepts in professional sports. People illogically believe that it is in duty to protect an athlete’s so-called legacy.… Read More

LeBron James wants back in Cleveland for the money

When reports surfaced that LeBron James of the Miami Heat would be open to the idea of returning to the Cleveland Cavaliers. I grunted, “This guy is unbelievable Un-bee-lieevable! (Dane Cook style).” What the hell happened? Are you finished taking your talents to South Beach? Did all the women dry up because of your lack of closing skills? Perhaps you realized that out of control mother who occasionally slaps valets and city with endless resources1 don’t mix? I’m not sure what the reason is but, I admire LeBron James’ unique ability to actuality believe what he’s saying. Just two summers ago he was counting off the number of championships he was going to bring to Miami. Heat fans should be proud of number 6.

To say LeBron James is disingenuous would be an understatement, and the fact that he said he would be opening to going back to Cleveland should be more proof.… Read More

LeBron James: Cleveland’s Prodigal Son

LeBron James: The Prodigal Son

As a native of Cleveland, Ohio, my first thought when LeBron James left Cleveland, OH was denial.  My second emotion was anger.  But my third emotion, like many other Cleveland Cavaliers fans, was hope.  Today, after seeing Lebron’s interview in Cleveland from yesterday, that hope is growing.

LeBron James left myself and any other Cleveland Cavaliers fan in despair two summers ago when he proclaimed his infamous Decision, to “take his talents to South Beach.”   However, after watching him look like he was about to break down in tears during his interview yesterday, I can’t say enough of how strongly I want to have him back.  If you haven’t seen the interview, go back to the tape.  Notice, how LeBron looks like a kid who just got caught doing the wrong thing.  “Lebron, now what do you say???”

LeBron like the big kid he is, apologized to his tyrant of a former boss, and basically the entire city of Cleveland, stating outright that he made a “mistake.”  Now, whether that mistake was leaving Cleveland, or just the asinine (ass-a-ten, ass-a-leven, ass-a-twelve) decision to make “The Decision,” on national television in Ohio, honestly I could care less.… Read More

Jeremy Lin’s rise shouldn’t be so surprising

The circumstances are Lincredible. The meteoric ascension to stardom is one of a kind. The hype is more than deserved for this Linderella story. The shock of Lin measured a 9.0 on the Richter scale after his game winner on Tuesday night in Toronto and who knows how long we will feel the after effects.

Still, why are we so flabbergasted by Jeremy Lin?

Asia’s version of Tim Tim Tebow  has been dissected about as much as, well, the real Tim Tebow. Most human beings on the earth haven’t gone the past 2 weeks without asking how the hell this kid didn’t get his opportunity sooner. In this age of youtube sensations, endless video scouting and advanced statistics, it is almost unfathomable to have a talent as sensational as Jeremy Lin go undrafted and sit on the end of the bench, about to get cut.

I, as well as you, have read and heard the endless discussion as to why Lin’s talent was missed by most everyone.… Read More

Carlos Boozer of the Chicago Bulls, “Are you using hair butter?”

I didn’t plan on writing today because I like to take Tuesdays off to perfect my FIFA 12 skills, and since I’m dedicated to the process of being a champion I don’t like to waver. However all that went out the window when I realized there was a coat of stuff in Carlos Boozer’s of the Chicago Bulls‘ head Sunday afternoon.

Let me first admit that I was fooled. I watched him miss ten foot jump shots and get outworked for rebounds all game. Yet it never occurred to me that he had a head full of an indiscernible substance. Maybe it was shoe polish and the residue was dripping into his eye? It would make some sense. It would at least explain how continues to miss baskets.

So what is that substance? Who knows? The only people who truly know are Carlos Boozer and possibly the tattoo artist that thought it was a good idea to start giving shape-ups on the weekend.… Read More

Brains, Ryan Braun, and looking good with Wranglers on

It was August 26th 1995, just after 8 o’clock on a balmy 94-degree summer evening in a modest southern California suburb, just outside of San Fernando. In the middle of a fresh-cut lush green backyard lawn, a boy laid flat on his back, gazed blankly into the night sky, and popped a baseball back-and-forth from his bare right hand to his gloved left. A set of wireless radio headphones wrapped over a weathered-blue Dodgers cap, and pinned tightly to his ears. The vivacious sounds of a live Dodgers game flowed through both speakers, and into the aspiring mind of a young star-to-be as he imagined his life as a Big Leaguer.… Read More

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