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EP 30: Man Slaps Girl in NYC Subway Kortney talks about the viral NYC Subway slap

EP 27: BET Hip-Hop Awards; Breaking Bad Kortney talks about the BET Hip-Hop Awards and Breaking Bad Action Figures.

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Stand-Up By Me

Kyrie Irving and the Cleveland Cavaliers, Winning for Losing

The Cleveland Cavaliers have found themselves in a very interesting position. While they’re losing games in a Cleveland like fashion1. They are also poised to follow the small market blueprint to success.

If you haven’t been paying attention to the NBA for the last three decades let me catch you up on the Cavaliers history in one sentence. Lose, get close, lose, get really close, have your heart ripped out on national television, and lose some more. However, could the Cavs finally be set up for championship success…sorry for the pause but I was laughing.

I don’t know if you’ve read the book on how to create a championship team in a small market. If you haven’t, allow me to write it and take full credit for saving the NBA. Now it’s a short book so pay attention…ready? If a small market wants a chance at a championship they need to be terrible for 3 successive years, and have some luck.Read More

The Detroit Tigers Show Prince Fielder $214 Million

The singer Prince once changed his name, and now the baseball player Prince has officially changed his team.  The difference is the singer amassed a large fortune before changing.  The baseball player will amass his after.

Prince Fielder’s new team – the Detroit Tigers – signed him to a contract reportedly worth 214 million dollars over the next nine seasons.  That number is big no matter how you break it down, but it looks even bigger when you don’t spell it out with words.  I’m serious, check it out.  It looks like this:



Upon hearing this news for the first time, the initial question you should ask yourself is, “Is Prince Fielder worth it?”  The short answer to that question is, “No.”  However, you have to keep in mind that there are maybe a dozen teams that could realistically afford to sign him.  Now, of those 12 (or so) teams that could have afforded him, is Prince Fielder worth it to them?Read More

Jersey Shore Diaries: S05 E01 & 02, Vinny’s Anxiety and A Bosnian Girl that Wouldn’t Leave the House

A few days ago I made the point to take time out and catch up on the Jersey Shore. Unfortunately it slipped my mind and the second episode was removed from online streaming. Now I have to admit I was sadden, however it didn’t last long. Because the Jersey Shore Comes on MTV aka the network that plays programing to the point you want to stab yourself to neck. So cranked up the television (floor model T.V. style), ratcheted over to MTV, and low and behold, a Jersey Shore marathon. I made it just in time to watch the last season of the Jersey Shore, and the newest episodes. And I’m glad I did.

After trying everything I could to stay awake during the first episode. It was great to not have to use smelling salts to stay remain conscious during the last two episodes. Those episodes were jam-packed with body fluids and confusion, which is the way I like the Shore.… Read More

Baltimore Ravens, Terrell Suggs Vs. New England Patriots, Tom Brady for the AFC Championship

This is the main event. You have Ball So Hard University on one side, and the Golden Boy on the other. John Harbaugh vs The Hoodie. There’s the always doubted Joe Flacco against New England’s Swiss Cheese defense. This is what we call, “Go Time” on the block (knock that stick off my shoulder style).

Both the Baltimore Ravens and New England Patriots were the best two teams in the AFC throughout the regular season. So it’s only right that they play for the right to go to the super bowl.

Even though thought the Patriots embarrassed the Denver Broncos last week it’s hard to say they proved anything. I mean it was the Denver Broncos. Tim Tebow is their starting quarterback! They’re not supposed to win a playoff game in Foxborough. To be impressed by that is like being shocked that the McRib is delicious1. So I don’t take anything away from them winning last week.… Read More

San Francisco 49ers, Alex Smith, In the Super Bowl? NFC Championship Time

Normally I would start this piece by verbally dapping up Alex Smith for a great will last week. However, I dedicated an entire post to him after he went Remember the Titans on the New Orleans Saints. So it’s not time for a retrospective on what the San Francisco did to New Orleans. “I’m not here to talk about the past (Mark McGwire style).” I rather take this time to conduct a proper burial for the Green Bay Packers.

Green Bay Packers’ Eulogy: “What Had Happen Was”

We stand here today overlooking the carcass of the Green Bay Packers – Oh there’s a fumble – and we are all asking ourselves. Why doesn’t Tom Coughlin wear a scarf over his face during January in Green Bay? Does he have something against looking human? Is he going for the Baboon ass look? His face looks like something in the bottom of my grandmother’s freezer (she doesn’t through anything away.

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Then There Were Four…New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, San Francisco 49ers, New York Giants…Who Will It Be?

After nearly an entire NFL season that came close to not happening in the first place, we have just four teams remaining with a chance to win it all.  The winners of this Sunday’s games will face off in Super Bowl XXVILMNOP or whatever number they’re on.  And no matter what happens, neither team will be the Saints or the Packers.

This time of the year has always been bitter-sweet for me.  On one hand, I know in my gut that football is almost over and that the longest eight months of the year are just around the corner.  I also know that I will soon have to acquire a life again.

On the other hand, I get to enjoy the most intense football of the season.  I’ve always felt the conference championship yielded better “football” games than the Super Bowl.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some great Super Bowls over the last decade, but the final four teams that play for the conference championships are always playing at a top-notch level.  The week of constant media hoopla between the conference championships and the Super Bowl seems to drag the participating teams down.  One of my favorite bets I ever made was betting the under in the first half (24.5) of Super Bowl XXVLMXYZ (the one when the Saints beat the Colts).  Even though both those teams had high-powered offenses, I knew the time off was going to effect the flow of the game from an offensive standpoint.… Read More

The Off – Beat: By The Numbers with Mitt Romney

Here’s a look at last week’s headlines . . .


By the Numbers


1. The number of Iranian nuclear scientists killed by a bomb this week (I’ll let you figure out the irony in that one).


2. The number of years since a 7.0 magnitude earthquake tore through the nation of Haiti, devastating a nation, which still sees 1 billion people displaced from the disaster.


3.  The number of teenagers shot, following a series of gunshots in Southeast, Washington, DC at approximately 9AM Thursday morning . . . wait for it . . . yes, you’re correct, they should’ve been in school.  Michelle Rhee just didn’t think about the possibility of gun – violence when she fired 500 teachers in less than a semester on the job.


4.  The number of Top Republican Primary candidates, which have been deemed ineligible to run for the primary in the state of Virginia, due to a new Virginia law.… Read More

“Seattle Mariners, Thanks For Trading Michael Pineda to the New York Yankees!”

The Seattle Mariners recently traded their young, healthy, all-star starting pitcher Michael Pineda to the New York Yankees.  I heard general manager Jack Zduriencik wanted to trade for a player named “Tebow”, but after realizing no major league baseball player has that name, he had to settle for a guy named Jesus.

Jesus Montero, a filled-with-potential yet unproven hitter, is who the Mariners received in the trade.  There were two other prospects involved in the trade, but I believe they were thrown in just so the Yankees wouldn’t be charged with highway robbery.  Look, I’m not going to say Montero won’t be good.  As I already stated, he has potential.  He played in 18 games last season and hit .328 with four home runs.  Despite it being a small sample size, those statistics show Montero’s potential to be a player who hits for power and average.  However, that’s all he can do.  And he has yet to prove he can do that over a 162 game season.… Read More

Is the Miami Heat’s Biggest Problem Fatigue? Yes

What’s wrong with Miami Heat?

Well besides the fact that they only have 4 loses and it’s two weeks and its still early in the season. They’re terrible…?

Is there really something wrong with a team that’s 8 4? Sure three of those four loses came last week in a consecutive fashion, but is that a problem? I understand the Heat are expected to lose once a month but things happen. With that being there is a reason for the Miami Heats recent loses. The reason is fatigue.

Miami’s biggest strength is their biggest weakness.

When you have three of the best ten players in the league on your team, you have a great opportunity to win every game. However what happens when those three make up 70% of your scoring, and one of those three becomes fatigued or gets injured? Well…you lose four games in a row.Read More

The San Francisco 49ers’ Alex Smith…Was Good!?

Tell me you weren’t shocked when Alex Smith drove the San Francisco 49ers down the field for the go ahead touchdown in the fourth quarter? Really…you weren’t shocked? Well what about when he did it the second time?

The first quarter of the New Orleans Saints vs. the San Francisco 49ers was the personification of Murphy’s Law. I had to check the calendar and make sure it wasn’t still Friday the 13th. What the hell was going on? Now I know I haven’t paid a lot of attention to San Francisco this season (and why would I, they’re San Francisco), but have they been doing this all season? They got more breaks in the first quarter than Tim Tebow got all season (save for yesterday “Beat Em Down” Bomani Jones style). However once New Orleans started rolling in the second quarter, and eventually took the lead in the fourth I thought it was over.… Read More

Golden State Warriors, Victims to Mark Jackson’s Strategic Tunnel Vision

It doesn’t surprise me that Mark Jackson employed his hack-a-Howard last night. It didn’t surprise me when he did it on Christmas Day to Deandre Jordan and the LA Clippers. Mark Jackson was always a lobbyist for teams taking advantage of the rules as best they could when he called games for ESPN. As disgusting as flopping, intentional fouling and guys jumping into defenders for free throws is to many of us, Mark Jackson was always applauding from his court side seat. Thank goodness Jeff Van Gundy was there to put him in his place.

It’s just too bad for Mark Jackson that Jeff Van Gundy isn’t on his coaching staff in Golden State.

Since last night’s game, where Dwight Howard attempted an NBA record 39 free throw attempts, Jackson’s hack-a-Howard strategy has been debated fiercely. Whether from a strategic stand point the choice to foul Howard throughout the game was right or wrong, Jackson’s implementation of this tactic does not bode well for his long-term future.… Read More

NFL Divisional Playoff Betting Picks

If you remember back to last week’s column, I did you all the favor of giving you my gambling picks for the wild-card round of the NFL playoffs.  But, in all actuality, I hope you DON’T remember back to last week’s column .  I went 2-6 on last week’s picks, including an embarrassingly pathetic 0-4 on the Sunday games and 0-4 on the over/unders.  Listen folks, I’m not a psychic.  Nor am I a genius.  To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure what I going to write about in order to fill the rest of this column, let alone how professional sporting events are going to play out.  But if you think a weekend of bad picks is going to stop me from gambling, you obviously don’t know my gambling track record.  (Believe it or not, I’ve always done pretty well picking games.  It’s that damn Pai-Gow I can’t figure out how to beat.)

Despite last weeks poor results, I’m more than confident that I can fight my way back to a .500 winning percentage by the end of the Super Bowl.  Here’s my picks for this weekend’s games.  Picks are in bold, and my opinion is fact.… Read More

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  • See Me Live, (Stand-Up Style) Comedy Showcase

    The first Sunday of every month Kortney hosts and produces a stand-up comedy show at Naked City Brewery & Taphouse in Seattle entitled, (Stand-Up style) Comedy Showcase Naked City Brewery You can buy tickets now on Brown Paper Tickets…more

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